All it takes is finding one person, after that, I'm in. One person leads to another and another, next thing I know I've found a world of support. (Yay!)
Lets go make some friends.
Friday, November 20, 2009
Thursday, November 19, 2009
Where are all the support groups?
Sometimes I wonder if the reason there aren't very many support groups for anything anonymous is because everybody keeps relapsing... or just hates commitment.
If youre out there and you come across me, drop me a comment, you can even remain anonymous, I don't care, it's just nice to know I'm not alone.
If youre out there and you come across me, drop me a comment, you can even remain anonymous, I don't care, it's just nice to know I'm not alone.
My Name Is Shawnie
and I am an addict.
It's hard for me to believe I've been clean and sober for over 9 years. But then again, sometimes it's hard for me to believe I was ever an addict.
My story made very short.
I'm not the type of alcoholic/addict where I stand up in a meeting and talk about how I could party with the best of them. I can't glamorize how long I used or how hard I used, or even how I used.
I'm a light weight alcoholic and a really sloppy addict.
I used to "brag" that with 1 beer I was tipsy, 2 beer's I was drunk, 3 beer's and I was shit-faced, and 4 beers I was fuckable. And though that line had many men saying "Let’s go get a six pack and party", my point to that is I didn't ever drink much, EVER. I was a cheap drunk.
I was an anti-drug mom. Hated anyone who did anything more than cigarettes and drink a little, (though I always seemed to attract them).
I hardly ever drank. I smoked a few years and gave that up.
Then got introduced to crank from the aunt of a friend who told me it was “Like No-Doze” crushed up to give me energy. I fell for it and was hooked.
The part of my life where I went from anti-drug mom to checking myself into treatment is less than 3 years.
I am very lucky, I fell so hard so fast and my life became so undeniably unmanageable that I had to admit I was an addict. It was just too obvious.
However to my surprise, addiction is something that stayed with me, it will never leave like I initially thought it would when I first decided to seek help. I thought I would go into a 30 day treatment program, get cured and go back to my life.
Thank Gawd I didn’t know the truth at the time or I probably wouldn’t have gone… maybe…
It’s hard to make that statement, I couldn’t commit to anything at the time, but I hit a place in my disease that there was no more continuing what I was doing. I was done. It was either do something different or die. And honestly at that time, I didn’t care which, both sounded like relief to me. I’m just glad that I didn’t choose the later out of fear of the first.
Back to my point. It’s been over 9 years now, and I realize with each passing year just how much of an addict I really am. Not just to drugs and alcohol, but to everything I like. Food, money, shopping, dieting, men, friends, crafts, hobbies, my kids, hell – maybe even blogging. I do everything in extreme since I became an addict. My husband points my extremeness out to me all the time and I have to stop and reassess what I’m doing and keep myself in check not to go overboard.
After 9 years of sobriety, I still need help as much as the new comer. I need to remember who I am and where I came from. I’m reaching out in a new way to help keep me clean, sober and balanced.
So this is me in a short version. I will talk more about me in future posts.
It's hard for me to believe I've been clean and sober for over 9 years. But then again, sometimes it's hard for me to believe I was ever an addict.
My story made very short.
I'm not the type of alcoholic/addict where I stand up in a meeting and talk about how I could party with the best of them. I can't glamorize how long I used or how hard I used, or even how I used.
I'm a light weight alcoholic and a really sloppy addict.
I used to "brag" that with 1 beer I was tipsy, 2 beer's I was drunk, 3 beer's and I was shit-faced, and 4 beers I was fuckable. And though that line had many men saying "Let’s go get a six pack and party", my point to that is I didn't ever drink much, EVER. I was a cheap drunk.
I was an anti-drug mom. Hated anyone who did anything more than cigarettes and drink a little, (though I always seemed to attract them).
I hardly ever drank. I smoked a few years and gave that up.
Then got introduced to crank from the aunt of a friend who told me it was “Like No-Doze” crushed up to give me energy. I fell for it and was hooked.
The part of my life where I went from anti-drug mom to checking myself into treatment is less than 3 years.
I am very lucky, I fell so hard so fast and my life became so undeniably unmanageable that I had to admit I was an addict. It was just too obvious.
However to my surprise, addiction is something that stayed with me, it will never leave like I initially thought it would when I first decided to seek help. I thought I would go into a 30 day treatment program, get cured and go back to my life.
Thank Gawd I didn’t know the truth at the time or I probably wouldn’t have gone… maybe…
It’s hard to make that statement, I couldn’t commit to anything at the time, but I hit a place in my disease that there was no more continuing what I was doing. I was done. It was either do something different or die. And honestly at that time, I didn’t care which, both sounded like relief to me. I’m just glad that I didn’t choose the later out of fear of the first.
Back to my point. It’s been over 9 years now, and I realize with each passing year just how much of an addict I really am. Not just to drugs and alcohol, but to everything I like. Food, money, shopping, dieting, men, friends, crafts, hobbies, my kids, hell – maybe even blogging. I do everything in extreme since I became an addict. My husband points my extremeness out to me all the time and I have to stop and reassess what I’m doing and keep myself in check not to go overboard.
After 9 years of sobriety, I still need help as much as the new comer. I need to remember who I am and where I came from. I’m reaching out in a new way to help keep me clean, sober and balanced.
So this is me in a short version. I will talk more about me in future posts.
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